Please excuse me while I lose my mind yet again. It must be the Clomid and all this trying to have another baby crap that’s the driving force behind all this. I have this feeling that EVERYTHING that I have not done since we moved here three years ago needs to be done NOW.
I’m looking around my house and I just feel like things are out of control and that I can’t possibly get pregnant with things being in the state they are. It’s also the fear that if I get pregnant someone is going to tell me I have to be on bed rest and then I’ll have to leave so many projects unfinished. I’m tired of unfinished projects. I have closets jam-packed with items I need to go through and either find a proper home for them or get rid of them. I have a basement that still needs to be put in order. I can’t leave the storage area as it is and I can’t leave all this Christmas stuff that needs to go back in the basement in one of our guest rooms. But before I can put the storage area together I HAVE to go through every damn book that is currently piled there and decide what I’m keeping and what I can let go. And before I can give or throw any book away I must make a list of every book before it leaves my house so I remember that I actually read it and don’t buy it again.
I’ve written before about how hard this purging of stuff is for me. Books in particular are hard for me to get rid of. I love books. Books are sacred to me. It’s just about killing me to even think of letting any go. But let some go I must. (Gee, Master Yoda would have been proud of that last sentence.) We just do not have the room in this house to keep every stinkin’ thing I have read. And the purging MUST. BE. DONE. NOW!
I feel the need to empty all my closets and start chucking. NOW! All the linens need to be washed. NOW! I have to get the Christmas shopping done. NOW! I have to start creating meal plans. NOW! All outgrown baby items must be bagged, boxed, labeled and properly stored. NOW! Get the point.
Is this early nesting happening? I didn’t nest with Shorty. The urge never struck me. Maybe because we had only been living here less than a year when he was born and I didn’t have so much clutter everywhere. But really, why the sudden need to have EVERY aspect of my life, including all the things I want to do with this blog and all the emails I need to answer, clean, clutter free, and under control at this moment. Is it because I feel as if I have no control over my reproductive life? Who knows. But if someone could please tell me how to get this nagging voice that demands all this quick action out of my damn head I’d really appreciate it.