Today I was supposed to take Shorty to Kindermusik and then we were going to drive to Jersey to visit my mom. Woke up in plenty of time to get out the door, but I had a horrible headache that was making me sick to my stomach.
(Note to Self – Need to find general practitioner soon so I can get a physical to find out why I keep getting these headaches. ) Anyhoo …
Ended up calling my mother on the way to Kindermusik to tell her we wouldn’t be there today. She was totally understanding and even suggested we skip Kindermusik. Was already feeling guilty because we were going to be late to class and have already missed two classes so far this session. Started feeling like I was going to cry because we were running late. Felt like incompetent mother for the billionth time since Shorty’s birth. Managed to not let the tears escape.
We were only maybe seven minutes late to class. Here’s the kicker … I’m feeling guilty about missed classes and being late and not doing enough to give my child an enriching life and we get there and he doesn’t want to be there. Seriously, he said “I don’t want to” to almost every activity. He couldn’t wait to leave.
Is it me or what, but I feel like I’m putting all this pressure on myself to be the greatest mother in the world and I’m the only one who cares about this stuff. Most times Shorty would rather sleep in than go to Kindermusik or soccer. He could care less if we get there early, on time, or late. Yet, I feel like if I don’t do these things, and do them in a manner that only someone who is perfect could, then I am a complete loser mom. So, most days I feel like an incompetent mother.
Am I insane or is this what motherhood is like for others too?