How About Invisible, Angry Mom?

So, like I did it again.  I just disappeared from the blogosphere without any warning.  I’m down to zero readers so I’m really writing for myself now.

It’s been a rough month.  Parenting has hit an all time low.  Shorty and preschool haven’t been getting along.  There’s been a lot of screaming on the marriage front.  My grandmother has LOST IT!  (Let’s just say when the police, the courts, and social workers get involved because your grandmother is making paranoid accusations about the neighbors and won’t stop making horrible scenes in the lobby of the police department things are not well.)  One toilet leaks, another one doesn’t flush right and is now randomly spewing crap all over the floor, the microwave has died (second one in less than five years y’all.  Aren’t I just lucky?)  We had no hot water for hours yesterday because the circuit kept tripping.  Turns out the circuit kept tripping because the dehumidifier was making it trip (yeah, who was the genius who put the hot water heater and the dehumidifier on the same circuit).  Hot water heater is now working again but the dehumidifier blew up.  Did I tell you we have mold in our house?  Yeah, mold.  On the walls, the rugs, and windows in several rooms.  So, mold and now no dehumidifier.  Oh, and we’re dealing with environmental specialists, and inspectors and engineers and insurance companies and most likely a lawyer too because a house that is less than five years old shouldn’t be having all these mold issues.  Oh, yeah and did I tell you that I’ve already gone through this once with the builders about two and a half years ago and the problem was supposedly fixed, but yeah apparently it wasn’t fixed.  And oh yeah, said builders just filed for bankruptcy so we might be screwed.  And our homeowners has like a mold clause that caps their payout at like $5-10k. (Note to anyone reading go check your homeowner’s policy now and see exactly what your coverage is … I’ll wait …).  Husband and I are fighting over everything.  This, people, is no way to live. 

And I’m stressed.  STRESSED!  I literally am having a nervous breakdown.  So, today I called a therapist.  I have an appointment for next week.  It’s that bad folks.  Really, I cry over EVERYTHING!    Dudes, I almost break down in tears in front of my son’s teachers.  I was a preschool teacher so I know I have become THAT PARENT … you know the one that everyone wants to run and hide from.  (Yeah, I know you’re not supposed to end a sentence like that … sue me, k?)The littlest things are setting me off.  Sadly, since my son is usually the only one around me guess who’s been getting the brunt of my impatience and anger?  Yeah, really no surprise to me that he’s acting out at school after some of the crap that is going on at home.  Can you say GUILT?   Because truly what’s bothering me the most is that my shit is affecting my kid.  My heart is breaking.  So, I’m going to therapy to see what I can do to stop the things I can control and how I can better handle all the crap that is happening that I can’t control.  Because I can’t be like this another week.  I can’t put my child through this another week.   I won’t put either of us through this any longer.

And I’m done … literally I can’t write any more right now because there’s just a big whole inside from all that stuff that just leaked out of me onto this here computer.  I’ll be back again … when?  Who knows?

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This entry was posted in Children, Complaints, Dark Moments, Depression, Home, Me, Mommy Worry, Motherhood, Parenting, Uncategorized, Worries and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to How About Invisible, Angry Mom?

  1. bookworm says:

    I rewrote this comment a few times. Anything I said sounded too.. “aww” in a an annoying kind of way. I think it sucks you are going through all this and I sincerely hope that therapy helps you. I think that it takes a strong person to know that they need help. Missed your writing.. Hope you come back soon.

  2. Evenshine says:

    OMG- so sorry to hear all this is going on. You’re right- this is no way to live. I always think of that quote: when troubles come, they come not in single spies but in entire battalions. I totally think therapy will be positive…and you might consider it for you AND hubs. Oh, and my $20 microwave? Totally still working after 3 years, so go buy a cheapass one and ditch the old one. Preferably with a baseball bat, a la Office Space. Hang in there!

  3. Joey Fortman says:

    Oh goodness dear… I can relate more than you’ll EVER know. As I visited a therapist JUST today. Please hang in there.. know you are not alone. Life can be so hard sometimes. And sometimes you just want to throw in the towel. I hardly know you…but do know by your blog you are not a quitter. It’s just a bump in the road. =) P.R.O.M.I.S.E!!! xoxoxo

  4. faemom says:

    *hugs* It’ll get better.

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