A Lot of Nothing

I have so many things rolling around in my head I have no idea where to begin.  In fact, I’m having trouble focusing on any one thing for more than a few seconds before my mind is off on another stream of thought on an entirely different topic.  (I’m seriously beginning to wonder if I have undiagnosed ADD because this inability to stay on track and focus is pretty much the norm for me.)  Be patient with me because I have a feeling this post is going to be a lot about nothing.

Ever wonder what interests you might entertain if you were filthy rich?  Well, I think I found mine.  It’s classic cars.  Shocked?  Yeah, me too.  Big and I were watching a classic car auction on TV the other night.  I have to tell you I fell in love with almost every car that was up for bidding.  My God, I feel like I have to have an old Corvette now.  Or maybe a ‘57 Chevy.  We just don’t have cars with that much class and character on the road today.  Oddly enough the next day I was running errands and a caravan of classic cars crossed my path.  I wanted to be driving one on such a beautiful afternoon, pretending I was in another era.  So, if I ever get filthy rich I’m going to become a car collector.  I’m going to one of those auctions and dropping $60k-$200k on a car from a time long gone.

Anyone else obssess about their kid’s birthday party?  Shorty turns three in August and I’m already trying to figure out decorations and gift bags for the theme I chose.  (That’s right, I chose because my kid won’t even answer me when I ask him if he wants ham and cheese or baloney and cheese for lunch.  Ya think I have time to coach him on what kind of party he might like to have?  Nope, when he gets older he can have his say.)  So, wanna know the theme?  It’s a sand and water theme.  We have a sandbox, a water table, a pirate ship pool, and we’ll do some sand art and other water activities.  Oh yeah, and we have one of those bouncy house things too, which has nothing to do with sand or water but the kids love it anyway so why not.  I saw large beach pales and a shovel at A.C. Moore for only a $1.00.  I’m thinking that would make a great substitute for the usual goodie bag.  I can put all the other gift bag items in the pales and each kid will go home with a pale full of goodies in a container they can actually use.  I love planning all the details even though I’m so totally not crafty and I will drive myself crazy until the party is over and done.

Big wants to have a big BBQ at the end of the summer.  (Cuz, the fact that he is having back surgery on July 10th apparently has not registered in his brain and he thinks he’ll be able to do all kinds of things even while wearing a bulky and stupid looking back brace.)  So, I’m humoring him for now.  Last night he put a list together of people he’d like to invite.  Almost all are current colleagues of his which means that unless I start adding my own friends to this list I’m gonna be listening to shop talk the whole party and I’m gonna want to leave my own shin-ding.  Today I called a caterer.  (Yeah, I’m not cooking for this many people, especially only two weeks after hosting my son’s birthday party and playing nursemaid to the husband who is HAVING BACK SURGERY.)  I’m laughing at what this affair will cost if Big decides he really wants to go through with this.  So, right now I’m hoping that Big forgets this whole idea.  Next year would be a better time … besides maybe by then I’ll have some paint on the walls so that our house actually looks nice.

Which brings me to paint colors … yeah four years in this house with only the basement and my son’s room painted.  Four years in our previous house with only builder’s white paint on the walls.  I’m going insane with all this white in my world.  I am not good at picking out paint colors and Big does not want to pay to hire someone to help us.  So, don’t blame me if I pick something totally FUGLY and then hate it and spend the next hundred years convincing Big that we need to repaint.  So, what to you think … Decatur Buff in the dining room?  How about Roasted Sesame Seed or Golden Tan in the master bedroom.  Really?  I’m serious what do you think?

Oh, and did I mention that Shorty is finally getting his big boy bed on July 9th.  Yeah, the day before the back surgery.  It was supposed to arrive yesterday but they called to tell me they can’t deliver until the 9th.  So I guess I’m sleep training Shorty on my own while Big lies in our bed listening to the drama in his painkiller induced stupor.  Somehow I have a feeling it’s going to go more like this … Mommy will just cave after fighting with Shorty for an hour or two and I  will just tell the kid to move over in his new bed and I’ll snuggle with him.  Then I will proceed to fall asleep and Shorty will then be trained to think that Mommy will be sleeping with him in his new bed every night.  Maybe by the time he’s twelve we’ll get this sleeping thing right.

And on and on my brain could go but you don’t really want to read anymore of this nonsense.  In fact, I’m even wondering how many of you even made it to the end of this drivel.  So, I’ll stop … until next time my mind explodes all over the blog again.

Enough Michael Jackson Already

Michael Jackson died.  This is all I’ve seen, read, heard since it happened.  Many of my Facebook friends seem to be truly grieving over this.  I’m still scratching my head as to why they are taking this so personally.  Don’t get me wrong.  I agree he was one of music’s great icons.  I’m not jumping for joy over his death.  I’m not so unfeeling that I don’t feel bad for his family.  But I’m having a hard time understanding why people who never knew him are describing feelings associated with deep mourning.

I didn’t know the man.  And while he did amazing things for the music industry I can’t help but feel as if we’re forgetting that he was beyond eccentric.  This was a man who literally tried to change every bone in his face.  This was a man who was accused of molesting children.  This is a man who was strange to the nth degree.  I find it hard to believe that so many people continued to be his loyal fans.  So, excuse me if I’m having a hard time really caring that he’s gone.  It’s sad for his family.  To the rest of us it’s just another moment in the course of celebrity happenings.  My life will go on.  MJ’s death will probably not change anything in my life.

Has the news media really brain-washed so many that they’d rather obssess about the death of someone they never knew than to focus on what’s going on in Iran?  Have we forgotten that our economy still sucks and our representatives in Washington can’t seem to take off their “party” hats long enough to work on a viable solution.  Michael Jackson is dead.  Sad, but let’s move on already, because the reality is that for most of us his death will not change much in our lives but what’s going on in Iran, North Korea, or in our own country probably will.

This, That, and More

It’s a rare night for me.  I’m enjoying time ALONE!  Big is not here and Shorty went to bed before 9:00pm.  (I’m probably jinxing myself right now and he’ll wake up any minute.)  I’m gonna enjoy the time while I can.  So, I’m going to jot a few random thoughts down and call it a night.  Not that I’m planning on going to bed – I just don’t feel like wasting all my alone time in front of this screen trying to come up with something clever.  I have so many other things to do with this precious time and excuse me if this isn’t the be all and end all.  Know what I mean?  Good!

Incognito Family went to VA this past weekend to visit Big’ssister and her family.  We had a wonderful time.  Shorty and his little cousin were so cute together.  She’s only two years older so he was happy to have another little person to play with.  We took the kids to a safari zoo.  Shorty loved watching the llamas stick their stinky heads into our car.  Me, not so much.  He also thought the ostriches trying to peck through our windows was hilarious.  Me too.  Feel bad about the crying jag I took at lunch Sunday.  This mommy is just feeling overwhelmed and while talking to my sister-in-law it all came out.  Kinda embarrassing and bad timing.  Thank God she is so understanding and so sweet and knew exactly what to do and say.  Love her.   And finally thank God Shorty is such a good road-tripper.  No dvd player and the kid was an angel on the drive there and back.

Right before leaving for VA we had the concrete front walkway and front steps jackhammered and replaced.  The shit the builder put in lasted less than two years.  We put up with broken up concrete for two years.  We couldn’t take it anymore.  So now we have new concrete that isn’t broken up and we’re $2800 poorer.

Still have not done a damn thing to lose weight.  Twenty year (holy crap, when did I get so old!) high school reunion is August 1st.  Guess I’m buying Spanx.

One of my brother’s friends just became the father of triplets today.  Three beautiful little girls to add to the little girl he already has.  I feel old.  I remember when he and my brother were skinny kids in high school.  They’re five years younger than me.  Are they even old enough to have kids let alone fathering triplets?  Geesh, someone please stop the hands of time.  Seems like yesterday they were heading to prom.  Good luck Frank and family!  God Bless all of you.

Interviewing college student this week for babysitting position for the summer.  Big is going in for back surgery July 10th.  No way I’m gonna be able to take care of Big and Shorty in my current state of overwhelmedness.  (Yeah, I did just make that word up.  Deal with it.)  Nervous wreck about hiring someone I don’t know to care for my child and nervous wreck about this whole surgery thing.  Gonna be a fun summer.  Valium anyone?

Need to start planning Shorty’s birthday party.  Yeah, yeah, it’s not until August but with the back surgery, the reunion, and the fact that we have seven family birthdays in August and September (not counting Shorty’s) and one anniversary I need to get cracking and get as much done before Big goes under the knife.  Besides I am one of those insane moms who loves to plan her kid’s birthday party complete with theme and all the matching goodies and decorations.  (Hmm, maybe this is a future career path for me?)

Well, this little post is really getting rambley (is that even a word?) and my night is dwindling away.  So, I’m off to put on some music or read or some other such nonsense that I love to do when I am left to my own devises.

Scenes From This Mom’s Life

Ever wonder how this mom spends her days?  Well, here are a few scenes from my life …

book left on stairs

 

toy vacuum cleaner and Mater left behind

 

Mickey doing a handstand on the stairs

 

Apparently downward dog is Mick's favorite position

 

cars, cars, and more cars

 

Why yes, that is a tricycle in my house

 

Mr. Messy. The face and the shirt say it all.

 

Is it any wonder why I never accomplish anything?  I spend my whole day cleaning up the wreckage known as my house.  Please tell me I’m not the only one.

Just Me

Okay, so I talk alot about the whole motherhood thing and the whole infertility thing, but I don’t give you all that much of a glimpse into just the me part of me.  So today I thought I’d do that.  I’m gonna go straight off the cuff and just throw out things that randomly come into my head.  And it’ll be all me.

I need space.  Lots of it.  I’ve always been a bit of a loner.  This is why in some ways this whole SAHM thing has been hard for me.  No space.  I’m thinking I need to move into a place of my own soon.  You know when I win the next $232 million lottery.  I’ll just build me a house of my own.  One where I can have a sound proof room where I can turn up all the cheesy music I love and dance my ass off.  For hours.  With no one to bother me.  And I’ll pretend that I’m twenty again and single and that I am in a club somewhere and all the guys want me.  And that my body is firm and smooth and my waist is tiny again.  And I’ll walk around the room swaying my hips and ass because my ass will be the thing that everyone says is so fine.

Yeah, that’s more like it.

And I’ll spend hours at the bookstore.  Just browsing.  And I’ll have like ten books in my hand and I’ll go sit on the floor somewhere in the store  and spread the books around me and spend a long time figuring out which ones are worthy to buy.  Then I’ll browse some more.  Oh, and I’ll finally choose three to five of those books and I’ll leave the store and realize that I left my keys sitting on one of the bookshelves somewhere and I’ll go back in to find them.  Then I’ll drive home but I’ll take the long way and maybe stop and get a few more things that suit my fancy or I’ll just drive and think or sing my heart out (even though I can’t sing worth a lick) because the radio keeps playing all the songs I really like.

Aaahhh, now I’m feeling good.

Then maybe I’ll take a long drive to visit one of my best friends.  We’ll talk and laugh for hours.  Just the two of us.  We’ll eat food we love.  Lots of it.  We won’t care if it’s healthy or low-cal or low-fat.  We’ll talk about ourselves and our other friends and the men we love or don’t love.  We’ll share secrets.  Maybe we’ll cry but then we’ll laugh again.  Maybe I’ll try to toast a bagel in the toaster oven but I’ll use a paper towel cause it’s hot and I can’t find the pot holders.  And the paper towel will somehow catch on fire and I’ll scare the crap out of her when she hears me yelling that there’s a small fire in her kitchen.  She’ll come running but I’ll already have put the fire out by soaking the offending paper towel under the faucet.  And she’ll laugh and tell me never to toast anything in her kitchen again without supervision.  And we’ll laugh some more.  I’ll stay until midnight or one o’clock or maybe I’ll just crash on her couch and go home in the morning.  She’ll hug me and I’ll hug back and tell her that once again I used all her toilet paper.  But she’ll still ask me to come back again cause she loves me even if I do use an unusually large amount of toilet paper and almost burn her kitchen down.

Sigh, feeling more relaxed than ever.

Maybe I’ll go shopping.  For clothes and shoes and whatever else I see that I like.  I’ll buy what I want.  Cost won’t matter to me.  Practicality won’t matter either.  I’ll probably take my mother with me because she’s the only one who will tell me it looks good on the hanger but not so good on me.  Or she’ll say that makes me look great.  And she’ll mean it.  Cause she doesn’t lie or try to placate me when it comes to clothes.  If it looks bad she’ll tell me.  Plus she is better at making decisions than I am.  And she always makes me feel like I’m worth spending the money on.  And she won’t care if we are gone for hours because she loves to shop.  I’ll be ready to call it a day way before she will.  And I’ll go home feeling great because I have clothes I love and I spent the day laughing and probably arguing with my mom.  But the arguing is okay because we get over it fast.  In fact we probably yelled at each other in one breath and then saw some sad creature in the mall that was fifty trying to squeeze herself into clothes made for a seventeen year old and it made us both look at each other in that way we have.  Then we laughed until our eyes leaked tears of hysteria and we never uttered a word but knew we were both thinking the same thing.

I’m feeling carefree again.

And I will go home to dance some more and read some more.  I’ll drink coffee without interruptions or I’ll gossip with my mom for hours.  Or I’ll call one of those girlfriends and gossip and bitch with them.  I will feel rested and confident.  I won’t really have much to worry about. 

Then I will wake up and realize that I miss those days because now I share a house with my husband and my son.  Which is good – mostly.  But sometimes I miss those days of me.  Those days when I made all the choices and it was all about me.  Am I wrong for thinking that way?  Does it make me a bad mother or wife?  Maybe.  I’ll let you decide but that’s how I feel sometimes.  Right or wrong.  Screwed up or not.  Sometimes I want it to be all about me again.

What I Learned This Week – 6/2/09

What I Learned This Week is hosted by Jo-Lynne at Musings of a Housewife.  Go check out her post for this week as well as the other What I Learned This Week entries.  If you feel so inclined you can join in the fun by linking your What I Learned This Week post to the bottom of Jo-Lynne’s post.

It’s been a busy week so I learned quite a few things.  Here they are for better or for worse:

1.  I learned that we have some of the best bloggers here in the Philly area.  I love these women because they are fun and generous, and they rock!  Thanks Jo-Lynne for organizing the Hebrew National Picnic With A Purpose.

2. Contractors whether they be plumbers, concrete, or window contractors are all pretty much annoying and don’t seem to get the job done in a timely fashion.  In fact, they can’t even seem to get quotes in when they say they will.

3.  Your child will pick the most inconvenient days to get sick.  Like when you want to take him to the blogging picnic to show him off and to teach him a little something about giving back to your community.  Yep, my child who rarely gets sick picked the day of the Picnic with a Purpose to get a slight fever, cough, and diarrhea.

4.  I’m not the only mommy blogger in my neighborhood.  Guess I’m not going to be so Incognito for long.  LOL  That’s fine with me though.  I’m only Incognito for Big’s sake anyway.

5.  I miss my family in Jersey.  Yeah, I know PA is not that far away but it’s far enough that I can’t see them as frequently as I’d like or be there for the little things like picking my nephew up from school just to spend a few hours with him here and there.  Or helping my mom take care of my grandmom.  Or frequently stopping in to visit my aunts and uncles who are all getting older and having some health issues.  I spent Memorial Day weekend with all of them and it hit home how much I’d love to be about an hour closer to them than I am.  And I really miss just being able to spend random time with my mom chatting and shopping like we used to do.

6.  I still love to hula hoop.  I loved it as a kid and I’ve been doing it a bit this last week and I still love it.  I’m also hoping that it helps get some pounds and inches off my waist.  Plus, it makes me feel like a kid again.

7.  Sunscreen in the eyes burns like heck.  This is supposed to be baby sunscreen for God’s sake!  Why would you make a product that burns like this?  I’m sitting here and my eyes are tearing and burning.  I imagine a baby or small child would be screaming in agony about now.  It’s inevitable that if you get wet (like from a sudden down pour minutes after applying it) that it’s going to somehow get in your eyes.  So, now I sit here and suffer all because today of all days I decided I wanted to protect myself from skin cancer.

8.   The people who make the Keurig coffee machine are evil.  First you pay a ridiculous price for the coffee machine, then you get hooked on the coffee, and next thing you know you’re paying crazy prices for the K-cups.  I bought one of these machines for Big’s birthday and now it’s the gift that keeps on giving (or is that taking? – as in money from our wallet).

I think that’s enough learning this week, don’t you?

A Mother’s Worst Nightmare

My husband came home with some news tonight that just really brought me to tears.  One of his co-workers passed away last night.  She was a 46 year old woman with ten and twelve year old boys.  She apparently died in her sleep and her children found her this morning.

I can’t tell you how scary this story is to me.  This is a woman who appeared healthy to everyone.  In fact, we don’t yet know what caused her death.  I’m sure this woman never even thought there was a chance she wouldn’t wake up this morning.  I’m sure the last thing her children were expecting when they woke up today was that they would be without their mom for the rest of their lives.

How does a family deal with a tragedy like this?  One minute you’re here and the next you’re not.  It makes me wonder what this mother never had the chance to tell her boys.  It makes me cry to think that they never really had the chance to say good-bye to each other. 

Besides the obvious big things in life that this woman will never get to share with her children I wonder what little things were left undone.  You know, things like that load of laundry she may have been too tired to get to but swore she would do tomorrow because her family was running low on clean underwear.  Or the game she swore she’d play with her child tomorrow because she was just too tired or busy today.  Did she have plans to take her boys to see a movie this weekend because she had no idea that this weekend would never come for her?  Were there things her boys forgot to tell her yesterday but thought they would be able to share with her today?

I know some of you out there may be thinking why is Incognito Mom worrying about this woman’s laundry when the bigger picture is that there are two little boys who will never be able to share anything in their lives with their mother?  But here’s the thing, while it’s sad to me that she won’t be there for their graduations or weddings or the birth of their children, what breaks my heart is that there are probably a million little things this woman did for her family that on the surface seem so small and insignificant but when you add them up meant the world to those boys.  Like that load of laundry.  It’s rare to find a dad who even knows how many underwear there are in the house let alone whether or not they are clean.  It’s usually moms who know exactly what flavor Popsicle the kids like and make sure that the house is stocked with that flavor.  And mom is almost always the one who knows  just the right amount of mayonnaise (or mustard) each family member likes on their sandwich.

It’s the small details that moms are good at and once the initial shock of losing their mom wears off and life returns to its new form of normal for this family my heart breaks to think of all the small things that this woman will no longer be there to do.  It’s those small things that no one else will be able to replace in those little boys’ lives.  And each time one of those small things is left undone or is done but not the way their mom would have done it those children are gonna feel her loss all over again.

This is a mother’s worst nightmare.  Children are not supposed to wake up one morning and find their mother dead.  Mother’s are not supposed to die when they have young children who need them.  And if a mother is going to die before her children are adults then she should be allowed to have the chance to prepare her family and make sure someone knows how to do all those special little things that seem so small but are really so big.  Because to me the saddest part of this story is that not only do these boys no longer have their mom but all the small things they took for granted are going to change for them and one day they may not remember just how their mom did those things.  And that is why my heart is breaking tonight for two boys I don’t even know.

Hot Dogs, Fun, and Giving Back

Saturday was a beautiful day … especially for a Picnic with a Purpose.  I had the pleasure of meeting up with other bloggers in the Philly area to collect donations for Home of the Sparrow, a local organization that gives temporary housing to homeless women and their children and helps them get back on their feet.  The event was sponsored by Hebrew National and The Motherhood.  Jo-Lynne at Musings of a Housewife did a fabulous job organizing the picnic.

Philly Mom Bloggers (photo credit: Nick)

 It was a fun filled day of eating, crafts, chatting, and giving back to our community.  The hot dogs were tasty (thanks again Hebrew National).  The kids had fun making crafts and getting their faces painted.  Sadly, Shorty and Big had to miss it because Shorty came down sick that day.  As a service project flower pots were planted to help bring cheer and beauty to the two group homes that the Home of the Sparrow runs.  I’m proud to say that the blogging moms also brought lots and lots of much needed household donations, as well as kids crafts supplies to restock the art carts at the group homes.

mmm, mmm (photo credit:  Sarah –  Genesis Moments)

Making flower pots (photo credit: Mel - A Box of Chocolates )

 We had the opportunity to meet two of the women who work for Home of the Sparrow.  They told us more about what Home of the Sparrow has done during the fifteen years they’ve been helping homeless women in Chester County.  The work they do is inspiring.  I definitely want to do more to help them in the future.  It’s so important to me that we moms help other moms in need.

I loved chatting with all the blogger moms and their families.  It’s great to meet up with my blogging friends and meet new friends.  The best surprise of all was that one of the bloggers I met Saturday turned out to be one of my neighbors.  Small world -  who knew that I’ve been living so close to a fellow mommy blogger all this time!

Thanks again to Jo-Lynne for organizing this event and giving us the chance  to participate.  Kudos to Hebrew National and The Motherhood for sponsoring such a worthy cause.

You can read more about The Philly Picnic With a Purpose by visiting these bloggers:

Musings of a Housewife
Genesis Moments
Occupation: Mommy
Celebrate the Silver Lining
The Mommy Esquire
Mel’s Box of Chocolates

I’ll post more photos from the picnic when my brain starts functioning again.

Yittle Yeak

This morning Shorty informed me that mom and dad’s bed has a “yittle yeak”.

Sure does and the little leak’s name is Shorty.  He peed in our bed again.  I’m so over this sleeping in “the big bed” thing.  Wish Shorty would get over it too.

Choosing Not to Judge

We’ve all been there – total mom meltdown moment.  You’ve hit your breaking point and next thing you know your head is spinning and you’re behaving like a lunatic.  It’s even worse when it happens in public.  We’ve seen it happen to other moms too.  But how many times have we been quick to judge another mom for her outburst?  That could have happened to me tonight but I’m so glad I chose to reach out instead of judge.

Shorty and I were unloading our groceries when we heard the screaming, obscenity ridden rant coming from the car next to us.  A woman was ripping into one of her daughters about spilling a whole cup of cappucino in the car.  I tried to ignore it, but the screaming got louder as the woman was really laying into this poor child.  I looked over and saw two children in the back seat too afraid to move because they knew mom was loosing it.

I was getting upset about the way she was talking to the child who had done the deed.  Part of me wanted to judge this woman as a horrible mother.  Then my brain did a 360 and I thought of two days ago when I made such a big issue out of some spilled water in our kitchen.  I remember how I yelled at Shorty way more than the situation warranted.  Instantly, I went from judgemental to thinking this is a mother who needs help and understanding right now.

Shorty and I returned our cart and I put Shorty in the car.  By this time the woman had calmed a little but she was still yelling that she had nothing to clean  up the mess and daddy was going to be mad when he saw his car.  Then I remembered the roll of paper towels that has been sitting in the pocket on the passenger door for months.  I took a chance and knocked on her  partially open car window.  I apologized for intruding but mentioned that I overheard her say there was a spill and she had nothing to clean it up.  I offered the paper towels.

Instantly, she became thankful.  She explained that she knew it really wasn’t her seven year old daughter’s fault but that the girls’ father is very particular about the car and would be furious when he saw the spill.  She gladly accepted my offer of the paper towels and blessed me for being so kind.  She stopped yelling at the kids and got to work on cleaning up the mess.  I told her I understood that sometimes being a mom can be hard and that I had been through days like that too.

Shorty and I drove off.  I could have ignored the whole drama that was happening in the car next to me.  I could have left with thoughts of what a bad mother she was.  Instead, I left minus my paper towels but feeling like maybe I had helped save those children from further screaming.  I left hoping that by reaching out to another mom in distress that she will understand that she has more support than she thought.

Mostly, I left with a renewed sense of feeling that all mothers need help sometimes and we each need more acts of kindness and less judgement in our lives.  I hope that someday someone will reach out to me when I am having one of those meltdown moments.  After all if moms don’t help each other and offer each other support, respect, and understanding even in our worse moments how can we expect anyone else to offer us those things?  Moms need to know that they are not alone and who better to let them know than other moms.